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Lord, if i don't feel or encounter the depths of Your Love today in a most  tangible way, then i don't want Love from anyone else. I want Your presence alone.

Loved, not Lost: He is Jealous.

I stumbled upon this blog  post from one of my favorite blogger, and was encouraged greatly by her heartfelt love for God. I was amazed and immediately felt the need to share it.

Loved, not Lost: He is Jealous.: "He is a holy God; he is a jealous God." Joshua 24:19

 The Lord is jealous for us and our affection. We sing it over and over, that ...

Life Verse

Philippians 1:21 – “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain”

Short verse but says it all. 

Live, love and die for Jesus. 

He is the only One worth living for, and worth dying for.

Romans 14:7-8

“For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone.  If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.”

AMAZING!

At The Cross (Remembering the Encounter with My Saviour)

Lord, thank You for showing me and once again allowing me to see the very reason, Your very reason why You go through the Cross. You can choose to give up when the road gets rough and the cross gets heavier even more because of the wounds and pains You are carrying through, BUT YOU CHOOSE NOT TO GIVE UP ON ME. You know very well Your CAUSE and You have overcome them all. Thank You again Lord, for allowing me to get a glimpse of Your heart again, and I’ve seen again with a different feeling of bond, how Your blood flows for each of my sins. You already died for them. Right now, I don’t want to be phlegmatic from all these things, I just want to soak everything and be saturated again in Your loving presence. I want to fall in love with You in such a way that You have loved me. You become everything to me because You loved me so much You have given me Your life and accept a painful death on the cross. And in all those time, You were just thinking of me, praying for me to come back and see what You have done for me. You have not blamed me for all I have done that cost You everything. You have loved me and I felt that love. It’s overwhelming me.  

Thank You Jesus. 

Crossover Insights

Another Thursday night is over. Although the whole day was tiring, I resolved to be at the Crossover gathering not because it was necessary for me to received a fresh Word from the Lord, but because my heart is expectant that God will meet me there, that I’m gonna be with His presence again for another night of worship. God never fails to show up, He never fails me. I won’t keep these thoughts long today. I was so tired and needed real time rest. It will be a Sabbath weekend for me again.

Surely there is so much to share because God has poured out His love and I am filled again.

Pondering on these:

If a man is filled with anger, then anger controls his life.

If a man is filled with greed, then greed dominates his life.

If a man is filled with lust, then lust governs his life.

If a man is filled with love, then love influences all he does.

If a man is filled with the Holy Spirit, then the Holy Spirit is in control of his life.

Let us decide whose we are letting to take control over our lives. The whole future that God promised us depended on it.

Numbers 20:13, God will proved himself Holy among us, the question we have to consider is that, Do we trust Him ENOUGH to honor Him Holy in the sight of all the people around us?(Numbers 20:12). Yes indeed we can say we trust Him, but is that “trust” ENOUGH for us to just obey without delay, obey without complaining, and obey fully and completely? 

Thoughts on Stewardship

I know that with what I have right now, there are a million things about my personality, my character and my attitude that I know God has been dealing with me. And so I must know this that every day I must confess what I know is dominating in me.

Right now I’ve been clueless again how to look at the Word of God and see myself, my own reflection. It seems I always struggle in “self-condemnation”.

Last night I cried hard, my spirit cried. And I don’t want to fake my “today”. I know that my relationship with Jesus is the only thing that’s real and everything else without Him is fiction. So if once again I attempt to start my day, my life and my work without Jesus, I know it will be a wasted day, no matter what I produce, no matter how hard I live it, it will only count for nothing.

So I resolve that no matter how late I may start my day, I may compromise my work, my deadlines, my people, and everything around me, BUT never my God. I will draw in His presence. And I will stir up hunger in me even if it feels numb, even if I’m full of guilt and self-condemnation. I’m letting go of my life.

I asked God to take away my life. I want more of Jesus and less, less, less of me.

Titus 2:15 (The Message) – “You are in charge. Don’t let anyone put you down.” And may I add, “don’t let anyone put you down, not even yourself.”

I’ve read from a book, “You Money Counts” that being “IN-CHARGE” means “STEWARDSHIP”. A STEWARD is the one taking full responsibility for all the Master’s possessions and household affairs and the one having supreme authority under the Master.

God has given us the authority to be stewards of people, stewards of souls. But it is EXPECTED (more accurate is “REQUIRED”) in stewards to be found faithful. Before we can be FAITHFUL, we must know what we are required to do. We need to examine the Bible to find out how He wants us to handle His possessions. We are all STEWARD, let us handle our life well. I am learning and all is humbling me.

Scattered Thoughts: Melancholic mode for 48 hours

Thoughts on “Improving My Productivity” came filling my head since yesterday. I was remembering what Pastor Jun shared with us last Thursday at Crossover Gathering. So how was the past 48 hours of my life?

Tuesday night, after work, had to make it to my 6:30PM appointment with Recca at the OMF literature. And yay! I didn’t make it. The store closes at 8PM and I got there ten minutes late. So anyway, I think God was preventing me to buy that book, maybe telling me this is not the right time to spend my money on another book. So I went to my next appointment, to meet up with my disciple, Dhalia, to have a little talk at dinner maybe. But I don’t know what went wrong that night. Just when I tried organizing my time and calendar and my appointments, things turned out of order. Maybe it wasn’t the schedules fault. Maybe it was really me. One compromise leads to another. So I just wanted to say, I didn’t have that dinner with her, I ran to our meeting place only to receive a message that she’s already on her way to the train station. So I ran back to the station to at least meet her for a few minutes. Actually, being a phlegmatic person that I am, when I say, “I ran”, it means I am walking on a normal pace, only in my head I was thinking of hurrying.

So, after that almost twenty minutes talk at the train station, I walk away disappointed at my calendar appointments and hungry. I ran back to the mall, grab a burger and ran back again to the bus station, looking forward to two hours travel and another two hours travel at the next van station to take me home, to my parents. It was a tiring night. I wanted to sleep right away when I get there, but I need my coffee so bad to at least wash away the day’s events in my head. I thought of crying out to God about what had happened that night. But I lay there wide awake, eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling, thoughts floating, thinking on what I could have done earlier. So many “what-if’s” that doesn’t seem to make sense. I couldn’t sleep at all until the clock says 3AM and I wrestle with my thoughts. I just plugged in my playlist on my ears until it soothes me and yeah, the song says, “He is the one who have saved us, He’s the remedy…Let go of the things that have kept us from Him…” suddenly, I am broken again. I wanted change. I wanted a different day. And all God wanted to tell me is that, “Andie, let go, I am the remedy, not you and not your own efforts to make things work.”

Again back home, the first to wake me up are always the kids pulling my hair again, wanted to play as early as 9AM. I couldn’t help it, they always missed me, and I always missed them badly. These kids, I’m worried that they will grow up not knowing what family is like, not knowing what parents look like, what it feels to have mom and dad take them out on a Sunday for a family day. I’m worried about the future that their parents are preparing for them. Seeing those laughs and smiles at me and plays with me, and wanting to play more makes my morning so melancholic. I don’t get it. These kids wanted attention and care and someone to spend time with them. But all the people here seem to forget the importance of that NEED to be met. All they care about is how daily chores – be it cooking, feeding the backyard animals, cleaning the house, the laundry, grocery, fixing the broken part of the house, reading the newspaper, and so on… get them busy the moment they wake up. I hate the scenario every time I am here. My mom shrew them away when she saw them bothering me in my bed, reasoned out that I needed more sleep. I feel bad what she did to those smiles turned sad-cold walking head down away from my bed. so I called them back and played with them more even if it hurts me to just kept in mind what these kids are missing out. I prayed that their parents both come back and work here instead. Overseas won’t build up their family, no matter how many houses they build with their salary. Anyways, it was just random thoughts.

I’m gonna cut out part of my day during my stay home with my family, because it was the same as the last time I was here, and I was again been overwhelmed by all the situations and the accusations that they put on me. They all don’t trust me with the things I do at church, the ministry I belong to, and the work that God has given me. They wouldn’t understand that it’s all about stewardship. All I can do now for each of them is pray and pray and pray, I lift them all up to God. All I can ask God now is to humble me more, as I tried to be here for my family whenever they needed me. I tried. I know that my efforts will never be enough unless I put it in God’s hands, so I will trust on the ONE who can deliver me and my family from the enemy that is attacking us. They are all helpless as I am helpless, but my God is still mighty to save.

4PM and I’m headed back to the city. I have to catch up with my 7PM appointment with my disciples for our Cell Group. And yeah, I missed this day. So I arrived at the forum 30 minutes early, took a seat on the empty table, bring out my Bible and my journal, and prayed. I don’t care if people see me there praying alone in that table. I asked God to really give me a teachable heart, that the WORD that we are about to learn that day would really minister to each of our situations. It was as if having my own solitary confinement, just reflecting on the Words in Ephesians 5: 8-16.

Ephesians 5:8-16. And this particular verse strikes me, “Be very careful, then, how you live, not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.”(v.15-16).

Yes, it is very true and it all makes sense. The days are evil. Someone is on the loose wanting to snatch away the good seed that God had planted in us. And we are to protect our relationship with God by all means, even if it means protecting it with our own lives. So I say, NO MORE COMPROMISE. It is the time for me to DISENGAGE to anything that contaminates or corrupts my relationship with my God. It may be any good thing but even the good intentions sometimes are a waste of life when it is not lived inside our purpose. As Pastor said it, “Anything we do outside our purpose is a waste of time, waste of energy, waste of resources and a waste of life.”

So for me, this is the time to re-evaluate how I really live my life on an hourly basis, daily basis. Is there anything being accomplished for the sake of the Kingdom of God in every little thing that I am doing? Is my relationship with other people genuine enough to reflect God’s character in it? Do I still love God intentionally and purposefully? I prayed for my cup to be empty again, so that God can fill them again. I lift my hands empty handed again longing to be filled.

This is me scattered and all, melancholic and slow and tired, but is restless. But tiredness can’t stop me, disappointment won’t stop me, sleepless nights won’t slow me down when it comes to praising my God, who gives and takes away. He gave it all. I’m giving my life back to Him… whole and broken.