My Beautiful Resolved

Compromise has always been one of the most expensive downfall i’ve struggled with. Something about the darkness of my own desire seems more appealing at a time compared to the peace that light brings. Then at the end of each day I’m crying out, hearts broken longing to be forgiven but without repentance.

I hate my life. I loathe myself. Bleeding seems to be the most beautiful resolve.

I only talk when spoken to. I long for conversations and a listening ear.

The only company that never fails me every single day is the loud ear popping music that slows down my hearbeat or the silence of my solitude. It calms me most of the time. Other times it just encourage me to cut open my skin and bleed.

I dont want to go home. But i want to feel at home everywhere i go.

My first love.. i have betrayed my first love again and again. And i feel i am a hopeless case.

This everyday routine is exhausting me. I hate human touch. I hate trivial talks. I hate myself for hating too much of what i deserved. And this rotten days are all i deserve.

I’m longing for a different day. Why does time seems to run so slow in this universe where i stand. I waited. And kept waiting. For nothing. Nothing is changing. Nothing is happening. Pages aren’t turning by itself. I’m stuck in this chapter. I can no longer write prolific stories. And even this rant of nothingness is worthless.

I wanna get a high in my self loathing. Bleeding gets me high. My own pains and scars. They are so beautiful. And i’m so sorry my beloved if i sounded glorifying the pleasure in pain i give myself. This is too fucking selfish of me. And i am fucked up in the head.

I was told i am crazy. Something’s wrong with me in the head. That i was too weird. Maybe i am. I’ll embrace every bit of it…. until something change.

I do not have any defenses on my own. I am uncovered. Exposed. Careless. I can drown anytime the water rises.

I hate mirrors. They reflect this ugly girl who keeps hurting and betraying me

The Invitation By Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for,
And if you dare to dream of meeting
Your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
For love, for your dream,
For the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow,
If you have been opened by life's betrayals,
Or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain,
Mine or your own,
Without moving
To hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy,
Mine or your own,
If you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
Without cautioning us to be careful, realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself,
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
I want to know if you can be faithless and therefore be trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty
Even when it is not pretty every day,
And if you can source your own life
From its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure,
Yours and mine,
And still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon,
"Yes!"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair,
Weary and bruised to the bone,
And do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn't interest me who you are, how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
In the center of the fire with me
And not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
From the inside
When all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
With yourself,
And if you truly like the company you keep
In the empty moments.

A Different Day Indeed!

Yes, today was a different day. i dont know what does it. i went to the office, sit in a meeting with two engineers who are also businessmen and a spark of hope and a challenge strikes a chord in my thoughts and in my heart that right now, even in the midst of this migraine and cramps im not feelin crabby at all.

And even if my bestfriend-daddy seemed to intentionally snob me when i gather all the energy and motivation within me to drop a "hi" on his message box, it didnt seemed to offend me at all. altho, i have all my suspicions again, but i just feel so hopeful, and i decided to see the beautiful things and great things in people.

and im all fired up to double work hard to meet the deadline along with thoughts of doing a lot of things and stuffs to accomplish at the same time.

i wanted to accomplish so many things today. and i feel like i have so very limited time. i feel like im high on drugs or something. but whatever does it, i hope it kicks in until i get the full benefit of all this hyper pumpin in my veins.

im gonna make this thought short today.. just emptying my cup again. :D

i prayed for wisdom over all my decisions today and all the decisions that im going to make everyday.

Wednesday Poem Reading

Our Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness,

that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,

talented and fabulous?

Actually who are we not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small doesn't serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking

so that other people

won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine as children do.

We were born to make manifest

the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And when we let our own light shine,

we unconsciously give other people 

permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,

our presence automatically liberates others.

- Marianne Williamson

Scattered Thoughts: It's been awhile...

It’s been awhile. I must say, I wasn’t missing or away.. I was just here, only, spending most of my time in silence but I can hardly say solitude. Solitude is when everything inside you and around you is peaceful. I am in silence but not in solitude, because inside of me there’s a war waging. There were rough seas and waves turning back and forth, twisting and turning me, almost closely into insanity.

And yes. i. feel. Crazy.

Today, thoughts about “giving” disturbed me. The trend around me, all the media outlet, and all the social network outlet these days, are all about “taking”. They always talk about how to get, how to make people like them, how to make others agree with them, and the list is neverending. People invent all creative ways to seek attention, to be heard. I say I’m tired of the flow. But I admit, its always so easy to get and take than to give. Our flesh has only one perspective view of everything, the “me” perspective.

What am I saying!? I really don’t know. My thoughts scattered. I came here today to pour out my cup. But I can never a guarantee that what I have to give is desirable.

“giving is not an obligation.. giving is an expression of what is in abundance of heart.”

So in a way, if I give out **** it only means im full of it. Please excuse my tongue. I try not to let it slipped.

God i miss those days where i can bleed and still find art in it...  I miss pouring out scattered thoughts and still be understood.

And here now let me rant about those days that im missing.

I miss my long hair. I miss messing up my hair and just don’t care about it.

I miss that messy hard rocker girl who never leaves the house without her cap on. I miss hiphop  and dancing.

I miss my guitar. And my songs.

I miss painting my nails green.

I miss my bestfriend. And coffee dates.

I miss a thousand good days and a thousand more bad days.

Memories. i can still remember giving until it hurts me. And even in remembering I still feel the burden I carried on my shoulders. Maybe they never really go away. Maybe they’re never really gone.

Right now there’s a rushing sound of noises in my head. The voices and the noises and the static are getting louder and louder. And its driving me to insanity. I couldn’t sit still and read my bible and understand a single thought in any passage I keep reading. Im a mess again. I keep on praying but the noises gets more louder and disturbing in my head like a tangible sound. I wanna be still.

Anyway… this are scattered thoughts and a messy page today. Maybe I just needed someone to talk to right now. I miss that someone whom I can talk to in times like this and still be understood. And maybe all I wanted to really say is that… I miss me.

Maybe tomorrow will be a different day. Oh God I hope and pray for a different day.

Scattered Thoughts: DRIFT AWAY LIKE FEATHERS

My planet is what I called the “ATTIC”

There lie all the wonderful things about me…

My books, my radio, my guitar…

My big soft pillow and an almost cloud-like blanket…

The almost perfect painting of a view on my window

where I can take a glance over the green fields

and the hills and the mountain side every morning.

It’s such a nice feeling to wake up having those things around me.

BUT why do I feel so insatiable?

I long for the things that are far from my own reality

My mom would think I’m getting crazy…

She would asked, “why in the world would I want to boxed myself in that small hole?”

They don’t realize that in that small hole lies my universe.

It had a lot of secret though!

It keeps my deepest secrets..

It knows all the things I hide

It holds all the pains in me

When I bleed with self inflicted pain

When I cried out of desperation

When I compose my own song!

I’m at the peak of my temperament

Melancholic BUT never apathetic!

Scattered Thoughts: just is

Frightened as I am in this quaking days

Waking my soul deep inside the hardness of my bones

My heart still pumps but the beating stops

What happened to my heavenly places?

What happened to my ground?

What have I failed to understand?

I used to hear the sound of flowing waters

Until the flood of angry voices grew hard and draw so close to me,

That even their whisper is a scream!

I used to let the rain washed over me, cleaning the dirt in me

But the lands are dry and the rain,

with which I have waited to pour out for so long…

never thought of dropping by.

Rhema: 2 Corinthians 6:3-13 (Paul’s Hardships)

Like Paul, I’ll try to understand what it means to not put a stumbling block in anyone’s path. Paul commends himself as “servant of God”. I want that for myself.

 I cannot commend myself yet but in great endurance, in my troubles, hardships and distresses I will praise God.

In beatings, in hardwork, in sleepless nights and hunger I will thank my God.

In imprisonment in my own skin, in the riots of my will and Your will, and in the wars that I end up defeated I will stand for You Lord.

Paul’s hardships will be my hardships too.

I will not give up!

The enemy can crush me and torn me and cut my ribs and bruised me but I will fight.

I have to be prepared with what the enemy will do and is doing with my family, with my life, with my people.

Satan will make it worst to the bones but I’m gonna STAND and not even satan can stand my way because I have Jesus.

Scattered Thoughts: Foolishness

Foolishness is something we-most people are afraid to be labeled of. Sometimes it is really the hardest part with surrender, trusting that God is at work on our favor. 

But there is nothing more fulfilling than to know that God is on our side and that His presence is with us rather than to keep doing things we thought to believe we are on God’s side. 

And yes I agree with what Keri Wyatt Kent said in one of her blogs, when she said that God’s wisdom is more than just theoretical knowledge, because Paul said further in 1 Corinthians that “Knowledge puffs up, but Love builds up” (1 Corinthians 8:1b NIV). 

Sometimes other people are just too technical with the word of God that they end up pouring personal judgment on others. They just don’t realize that “For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.” (1 Corinthians 1:25). 

Rhema: James 1

I realized, though not fully yet, that “pressures”, “challenges” and “testing’s in life” happens to us with the intention of bringing our FAITH into exposure. Makikita natin saan nga ba or kanino nga ba tayo NANANAMPALATAYA.

FAITH, FAITH, FAITH.

James 1:3 (The Message) – The testing of our faith will produce in us the STRENGTH TO CONTINUE.

Here when it said “strength to continue”, it speaks of perseverance. The GOAL of “challenges” in our life is to make us ALL WE SHOULD BE. Ibig sabihin LALABAS ang TRUE IDENTITY natin, what is real about us.

James 1:12 – Blessed is the man who keeps on going when times are hard.

Now let us break it down.

A. Blessed – the rest of the verse says, when you are blessed, you will receive a crown. And the CROWN we gain is LIFE. and it is promised to those who LOVE God. The question is, do we love God the way He commanded us in Matthew 22:37-38, to love Him “WITH ALL” we have and “WITH ALL” we are?

*This truth will only hurt those in pride, those who are half-hearted, and those who believed they have loved God but is unwilling to give all. And sadly, I’m not an exemption to this vulnerability.

B. Keeps on going – this simply means persevering, having the strength to continue, having the determination to push through no matter what. And it also speaks of those who are “loyally in-Love with God”.

C. When times are hard – TIMES ARE HARD! what could be a better explanation of this than to give my own example! Here is when I can say times are hard in my life:

*no money

*no funds or resources

*no projects to work on

*people around me are crazy (at least crazy in a way dysfunctional, things are out of order, out of place)

*sick brother, sick parents, sick me. that no matter how many prescriptions we take, we are not getting better, and when I pray, I started to ask what could I have been doing wrong all this time? So I took it all on me.

*a family in NEED and IN DEMAND of me. (you have an idea of when you are the only person who works to provide for the whole family)

*times when there are no other means to make ends meet.

*sleepless nights, headaches, and pressure out of all this and at the surface you can still see a smiling me. that’s not pretense, but trying to be strong inspite of…

*and the list can go on as long as it takes but you get the whole picture, right?

James 1:16-18(The Message) – Don’t let anyone fool you. God chose to give us NEW BIRTH through the message of TRUTH. He wanted us to be the FIRST and BEST of everything He created.

*it says “DON’T GET THROWN OFF COURSE”. Keep track with God. Is our heart still right with God?

*to KNOW the heart of God is to know this truth.

James 1:19

PAY ATTENTION: Be quick to listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. It is my JOB DESCRIPTION today to listen and listen well. To hear and not much to speak. To slowly chew out every word that comes out of my mouth, to always listen first.

James 1:21

Get rid of everything DIRTY and SINFUL. Don’t be proud to accept the Word that is planted in you. In simple humility, LET.

*LET – mean let’s allow God, submit to God, surrender to God, permit God, and be willing to listen and follow God.

If you don’t know what you are doing, pray to the Father. ASK BOLDLY, believingly, without SECOND THOUGHTS. Never, ever “WORRY YOU PRAYERS”.

Don’t ever count on what your hands are producing. Our efforts and own methods are only short-lived. Panandalian lng yan. Our own ways will NEVER give us satisfaction and will never attain what we intend to goal.

Now, what do I hear from God today? Don’t be just hearer. ACT on what you hear or else you might just well be good as deaf.

This is what the voice of God tells me personally today: Guard your heart and your people from the corruption and pollution of the Godless world.

Right now, my life is completely in a great challenge of FAITH. My prayer is that God will bring out in me an extraordinary FAITH, something i cannot think or imagine. I ask God to amaze me. My life, my future, my career, my family... all of me is in God's hands.
There's so many "EVEN-though's" in my life today that STILL i want Jesus above everything and STILL I know fully that God is my confidence. 


Live well. Live wisely. Live humbly. Live IN CHRIST.

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Lord, if i don't feel or encounter the depths of Your Love today in a most  tangible way, then i don't want Love from anyone else. I want Your presence alone.

Loved, not Lost: He is Jealous.

I stumbled upon this blog  post from one of my favorite blogger, and was encouraged greatly by her heartfelt love for God. I was amazed and immediately felt the need to share it.

Loved, not Lost: He is Jealous.: "He is a holy God; he is a jealous God." Joshua 24:19

 The Lord is jealous for us and our affection. We sing it over and over, that ...

Life Verse

Philippians 1:21 – “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain”

Short verse but says it all. 

Live, love and die for Jesus. 

He is the only One worth living for, and worth dying for.

Romans 14:7-8

“For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone.  If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.”

AMAZING!

At The Cross (Remembering the Encounter with My Saviour)

Lord, thank You for showing me and once again allowing me to see the very reason, Your very reason why You go through the Cross. You can choose to give up when the road gets rough and the cross gets heavier even more because of the wounds and pains You are carrying through, BUT YOU CHOOSE NOT TO GIVE UP ON ME. You know very well Your CAUSE and You have overcome them all. Thank You again Lord, for allowing me to get a glimpse of Your heart again, and I’ve seen again with a different feeling of bond, how Your blood flows for each of my sins. You already died for them. Right now, I don’t want to be phlegmatic from all these things, I just want to soak everything and be saturated again in Your loving presence. I want to fall in love with You in such a way that You have loved me. You become everything to me because You loved me so much You have given me Your life and accept a painful death on the cross. And in all those time, You were just thinking of me, praying for me to come back and see what You have done for me. You have not blamed me for all I have done that cost You everything. You have loved me and I felt that love. It’s overwhelming me.  

Thank You Jesus. 

Crossover Insights

Another Thursday night is over. Although the whole day was tiring, I resolved to be at the Crossover gathering not because it was necessary for me to received a fresh Word from the Lord, but because my heart is expectant that God will meet me there, that I’m gonna be with His presence again for another night of worship. God never fails to show up, He never fails me. I won’t keep these thoughts long today. I was so tired and needed real time rest. It will be a Sabbath weekend for me again.

Surely there is so much to share because God has poured out His love and I am filled again.

Pondering on these:

If a man is filled with anger, then anger controls his life.

If a man is filled with greed, then greed dominates his life.

If a man is filled with lust, then lust governs his life.

If a man is filled with love, then love influences all he does.

If a man is filled with the Holy Spirit, then the Holy Spirit is in control of his life.

Let us decide whose we are letting to take control over our lives. The whole future that God promised us depended on it.

Numbers 20:13, God will proved himself Holy among us, the question we have to consider is that, Do we trust Him ENOUGH to honor Him Holy in the sight of all the people around us?(Numbers 20:12). Yes indeed we can say we trust Him, but is that “trust” ENOUGH for us to just obey without delay, obey without complaining, and obey fully and completely? 

Thoughts on Stewardship

I know that with what I have right now, there are a million things about my personality, my character and my attitude that I know God has been dealing with me. And so I must know this that every day I must confess what I know is dominating in me.

Right now I’ve been clueless again how to look at the Word of God and see myself, my own reflection. It seems I always struggle in “self-condemnation”.

Last night I cried hard, my spirit cried. And I don’t want to fake my “today”. I know that my relationship with Jesus is the only thing that’s real and everything else without Him is fiction. So if once again I attempt to start my day, my life and my work without Jesus, I know it will be a wasted day, no matter what I produce, no matter how hard I live it, it will only count for nothing.

So I resolve that no matter how late I may start my day, I may compromise my work, my deadlines, my people, and everything around me, BUT never my God. I will draw in His presence. And I will stir up hunger in me even if it feels numb, even if I’m full of guilt and self-condemnation. I’m letting go of my life.

I asked God to take away my life. I want more of Jesus and less, less, less of me.

Titus 2:15 (The Message) – “You are in charge. Don’t let anyone put you down.” And may I add, “don’t let anyone put you down, not even yourself.”

I’ve read from a book, “You Money Counts” that being “IN-CHARGE” means “STEWARDSHIP”. A STEWARD is the one taking full responsibility for all the Master’s possessions and household affairs and the one having supreme authority under the Master.

God has given us the authority to be stewards of people, stewards of souls. But it is EXPECTED (more accurate is “REQUIRED”) in stewards to be found faithful. Before we can be FAITHFUL, we must know what we are required to do. We need to examine the Bible to find out how He wants us to handle His possessions. We are all STEWARD, let us handle our life well. I am learning and all is humbling me.

Scattered Thoughts: Melancholic mode for 48 hours

Thoughts on “Improving My Productivity” came filling my head since yesterday. I was remembering what Pastor Jun shared with us last Thursday at Crossover Gathering. So how was the past 48 hours of my life?

Tuesday night, after work, had to make it to my 6:30PM appointment with Recca at the OMF literature. And yay! I didn’t make it. The store closes at 8PM and I got there ten minutes late. So anyway, I think God was preventing me to buy that book, maybe telling me this is not the right time to spend my money on another book. So I went to my next appointment, to meet up with my disciple, Dhalia, to have a little talk at dinner maybe. But I don’t know what went wrong that night. Just when I tried organizing my time and calendar and my appointments, things turned out of order. Maybe it wasn’t the schedules fault. Maybe it was really me. One compromise leads to another. So I just wanted to say, I didn’t have that dinner with her, I ran to our meeting place only to receive a message that she’s already on her way to the train station. So I ran back to the station to at least meet her for a few minutes. Actually, being a phlegmatic person that I am, when I say, “I ran”, it means I am walking on a normal pace, only in my head I was thinking of hurrying.

So, after that almost twenty minutes talk at the train station, I walk away disappointed at my calendar appointments and hungry. I ran back to the mall, grab a burger and ran back again to the bus station, looking forward to two hours travel and another two hours travel at the next van station to take me home, to my parents. It was a tiring night. I wanted to sleep right away when I get there, but I need my coffee so bad to at least wash away the day’s events in my head. I thought of crying out to God about what had happened that night. But I lay there wide awake, eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling, thoughts floating, thinking on what I could have done earlier. So many “what-if’s” that doesn’t seem to make sense. I couldn’t sleep at all until the clock says 3AM and I wrestle with my thoughts. I just plugged in my playlist on my ears until it soothes me and yeah, the song says, “He is the one who have saved us, He’s the remedy…Let go of the things that have kept us from Him…” suddenly, I am broken again. I wanted change. I wanted a different day. And all God wanted to tell me is that, “Andie, let go, I am the remedy, not you and not your own efforts to make things work.”

Again back home, the first to wake me up are always the kids pulling my hair again, wanted to play as early as 9AM. I couldn’t help it, they always missed me, and I always missed them badly. These kids, I’m worried that they will grow up not knowing what family is like, not knowing what parents look like, what it feels to have mom and dad take them out on a Sunday for a family day. I’m worried about the future that their parents are preparing for them. Seeing those laughs and smiles at me and plays with me, and wanting to play more makes my morning so melancholic. I don’t get it. These kids wanted attention and care and someone to spend time with them. But all the people here seem to forget the importance of that NEED to be met. All they care about is how daily chores – be it cooking, feeding the backyard animals, cleaning the house, the laundry, grocery, fixing the broken part of the house, reading the newspaper, and so on… get them busy the moment they wake up. I hate the scenario every time I am here. My mom shrew them away when she saw them bothering me in my bed, reasoned out that I needed more sleep. I feel bad what she did to those smiles turned sad-cold walking head down away from my bed. so I called them back and played with them more even if it hurts me to just kept in mind what these kids are missing out. I prayed that their parents both come back and work here instead. Overseas won’t build up their family, no matter how many houses they build with their salary. Anyways, it was just random thoughts.

I’m gonna cut out part of my day during my stay home with my family, because it was the same as the last time I was here, and I was again been overwhelmed by all the situations and the accusations that they put on me. They all don’t trust me with the things I do at church, the ministry I belong to, and the work that God has given me. They wouldn’t understand that it’s all about stewardship. All I can do now for each of them is pray and pray and pray, I lift them all up to God. All I can ask God now is to humble me more, as I tried to be here for my family whenever they needed me. I tried. I know that my efforts will never be enough unless I put it in God’s hands, so I will trust on the ONE who can deliver me and my family from the enemy that is attacking us. They are all helpless as I am helpless, but my God is still mighty to save.

4PM and I’m headed back to the city. I have to catch up with my 7PM appointment with my disciples for our Cell Group. And yeah, I missed this day. So I arrived at the forum 30 minutes early, took a seat on the empty table, bring out my Bible and my journal, and prayed. I don’t care if people see me there praying alone in that table. I asked God to really give me a teachable heart, that the WORD that we are about to learn that day would really minister to each of our situations. It was as if having my own solitary confinement, just reflecting on the Words in Ephesians 5: 8-16.

Ephesians 5:8-16. And this particular verse strikes me, “Be very careful, then, how you live, not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.”(v.15-16).

Yes, it is very true and it all makes sense. The days are evil. Someone is on the loose wanting to snatch away the good seed that God had planted in us. And we are to protect our relationship with God by all means, even if it means protecting it with our own lives. So I say, NO MORE COMPROMISE. It is the time for me to DISENGAGE to anything that contaminates or corrupts my relationship with my God. It may be any good thing but even the good intentions sometimes are a waste of life when it is not lived inside our purpose. As Pastor said it, “Anything we do outside our purpose is a waste of time, waste of energy, waste of resources and a waste of life.”

So for me, this is the time to re-evaluate how I really live my life on an hourly basis, daily basis. Is there anything being accomplished for the sake of the Kingdom of God in every little thing that I am doing? Is my relationship with other people genuine enough to reflect God’s character in it? Do I still love God intentionally and purposefully? I prayed for my cup to be empty again, so that God can fill them again. I lift my hands empty handed again longing to be filled.

This is me scattered and all, melancholic and slow and tired, but is restless. But tiredness can’t stop me, disappointment won’t stop me, sleepless nights won’t slow me down when it comes to praising my God, who gives and takes away. He gave it all. I’m giving my life back to Him… whole and broken.

The G12 Core Values (Repost)

The G12 Core Values

1. I am a true Disciple
- Christ-likeness and Multiplying Ministry
2. Caught by the Vision
- Understand, Live and Transmit the vision
3. Committed to Cell life
- Evangelism, Leadership Development and Multiplication
4. Passionate Spirituality
- Devotional life, Prayer and fasting and holiness
5. Submission to Authority
- Love ,Honor and Respect my leaders
6. Commitment to time
- Manage and invest my time for the Kingdom
7. Lifelong Relationship
- accountable and responsible
8. I love Equipping and Training
- Training is my Happy Hour
9. I am a Leader of 12 disciples
- I am born to multiply
10. Accomplishing Church Goal Setting
- I support, help and fulfill the goals
11. I want to see my Church Grow
- Pray, work and Pay
12. The Importance of Young people
- I will prepare the next generation

------- Let us live the G12 Core Values-----------

reposted from BOMB.

Compassion in Action

Sundays are always the best day of my week. I got to really be filled with the spirit of God and refreshed my thoughts and my tasks. The best part of my Sunday was discipleship, where I could spend time with my fellow sisters, fellow disciples of Christ, spend time with my discipler. It was so much learning and fellowship is refreshing.

So anyways, this week we focus on “God’s Secret of Multiplication”. We are all born to multiply. John 6:5-15.

But I’d like to focus on this certain pointer that really thug my heart personally. Somehow, this has been what God was patiently dealing with me. I’m so much glad He is so patient with me, even though I am losing patience myself.

Talking about COMPASSION IN ACTION. Mark 6:34.

Mark 6:34 - There is no great commission without compassion.

The Message version -

When Jesus arrived, he saw this huge crowd. At the sight of them, his heart broke—like sheep with no shepherd they were. He went right to work teaching them.

King James Version –

And Jesus, when he came out, saw much people, and was moved with compassion toward them, because they were as sheep not having a shepherd: and He began to teach them many things.

We are designed by God NOT to be a CONTAINER of blessing but a CHANNEL of blessing. We must know our obligation in the life of the people that God entrusted to us. And yes, that means all the life of the people that God graciously entrusted to us – family, friends, boss, even strangers who happens to be there. If we don’t see the condition of the people around us, we will not do it for God; we will not do it purposefully and intentionally.

And those two words strike me even more. PURPOSEFULLY and INTENTIONALLY. I must do things for God not just to comply, but because I know in my heart I am destined to be productive and destined to multiply. Loving people is not about numbers, it’s all about compassion. And that compassion will result to multiplication. You will produce a loving family if you have planted love in your family. You will produce relationship, and yes, even a God-centered relationship, if you will really put your priorities on loving God first and loving the people He died for. Again, it’s all about compassion in action. That means our hands must be doing, never idle, our feet moving, our hearts caring, that everything we touched reflect God’s loving character, healing nature, and abundant provision.

We can do this. We may fail but we know that it is not fatal; it is just a stepping stone, so we will never give up. So let’s do it with the purpose of loving God, and let’s do it INTENTIONALLY.

So I will end up with this verse that speaks about Jesus’ heart about us, and this is the same heart that I want God to plant and grow in me. Let’s not lose everything God entrusted to us, especially the relationship we have with our family, friends, and fellow Christians.

John 6:39 – “And this is the will of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all that he has given me, but raise them up at the last day.” (NIV)

Friday Scattered Thoughts

Lord I am bothered. I’ve been having the same dreams lately. And it gives me the same hurting in my heart every time I wake up from those dreams. I am hunted by it. My dreams are always about my family. I always see them, back home. And I was there. And it was always raining. There are days that I dreamed of drowning in the flood back home. And there are times it was just raining hard. And I always saw my parents, my aunt, my nieces and nephews, my brothers. The whole family was there. I was there. And I was always just overwhelmed being in the midst of the situation.

Last night was the same dream. I was spending time with my niece and nephews at my aunt’s house.  My brothers were there too. I don’t see mom and dad. I only heard of aunt and uncle at the backyard. Then the rain pours. It was raining so hard but the sky is still brightly lit so I don’t feel worried. I went outside but I couldn’t feel the rain yet it was pouring. I don’t feel the wind. Nothing. I ran to our house. Mom and dad weren’t home. And our house was devastated. I went to the room and everything was stripped off. I was hurried trying to save all my books. It was kind of funny how I care more for the books than look where my parents were. Nothing was left in our house. All was covered in mud. No bed, no chairs, no furnitures left. I was trying to save some of my books but I came in too late. I heard my aunt from the backyard calling on me. She said they already tried to save anything they can grab. I was confused because I couldn’t feel the damaged it caused. Like it was a good weather. The sky is still bright outside. But still is pouring. And I was trying to remember where my parents are. Like they were there a few minutes ago. I was just sitting in the mud, helpless, trying to understand what was happening. Thinking whether everything around is real or not. I don’t understand what is happening. But I was hurting. I can feel the pain in my heart. But I couldn’t tell why.

When I woke up, I felt the same thing in my dream. I remember my mom and our conversation last Tuesday. I remember everything she told me. I tried to remember my dreams in the past weeks concerning the rain, the outpouring, our house, my family. The same scenarios, same dear people that I love, same house, but every dream is a different day. I don’t like what I’m seeing in my dreams. It scares me to even think what it could mean. I feel helpless. Like I have felt that there’s something already happening in my family and I couldn’t do anything for them. I want to go home and spend as much more time with them as I can. But doing that means leaving behind my dream. And God I feel like I am at the crossroad now. I need Your word today. I need to see what You are showing me. Open up my eyes and let me see.