Coming Back to Senses

As I was reflecting through the past months that I've been away from my world, my own personal page, my voice in the air, I noticed that it's been almost half a year that I've been letting my passion and love for words to wither along with time as it grew old. I was stuck somewhere between my unwillingness to leave the comfort of being common, of being ordinary and naive, and the idleness of my own mind. I once heard from our Pastor one Sunday, during those times I was lost in thoughts and lost in all aspect, that everything starts in the mind, that's why it is important to keep on renewing the mind, that even idleness needs to be dealt in the mind first. Because thoughts produce actions and when thoughts dont think, hands and feet dont move either.

The last time I put words into a page, it was a struggle for me during those time as I tried to recall them. It was the CROSSROAD moment of my life. I had a job in an automations company where I used to handle the position of a Support Engineer. I was somehow leading a team but I dont consider myself the head of my team because I was looking down on myself during those times. As I was saying, it was really a struggle. Both my soul and spirit, and my salary was struggling. I couldnt provide my family what was expected of me, and financial demands was choking me. It was during those times my own dreams died down, I was lacking the courage to continue. Fire in my heart slowly turning to ashes. But it was also during those times I grew stronger in faith. Leaving behind the life of pen and paper was hard but then, I started to embrace the new life being given to me, the life of complete surrender. I knew in my heart that inspite of all my troubles, and all these stuggles that takes away my dreams and hopes, there is a God, whom I dearly loved, and I knew He is in control of everything and I knew that He loves me and cared for me. And for that I have all the reasons to fight and continue.

I call it devotion. where can a writer start being one? Of course, as a Christian woman, I believe that my devotion has been a very significant part of my life as a person, as a visionary, as a fighter. It is in my daily connection and interaction with my Creator that I see myself getting fixed. It is when I'm deep in the presence of God that I get a direction in life. And now is the time I get back on track, I get back to this life I've always dreamed living. A completely surrendered life to the God, the giver, the maker of my dreams.

It took me almost half a year pondering, wandering, struggling, learning the faith that is now waking my senses. I can smell again the breeze of a new day, a fresh start. I can see ahead the path of hope, that there is a God who will always inspire me to go back to life, to light, and I love it. I can touch life once again, I can feel a new beat inside my heart, dancing in praise to a great new day. I can hear the sound of art all around me, the busyness of the streets and traffic, the sound of family sleeping so tight as I am writing this thoughts, I
hear the Voice of my dream calling back on me, reverberating the strength and endurance for the coming days.

This is me, sharing a life. This is the air I breathe. The words of my dreams. God bless the works of our hands! (Malachi 3:10-11)