Alive Again

It is a great feeling to know that I’m alive. To struggle and to fight and to complete abandonment of self for the greater purpose of my existance. I’m alive again. Blood flows in my veins and my heart beats again. I missed this day. I love the Lord Jesus with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my strength, and with all my mind. He brought me back again.

Yesterday i cried out to God pouring out all my guilt and shame. I asked desperately for Him to take me back, to take me as I am, to take all my shame and pain. He was a merciful God for I have received grace and mercy even in the midst of my doubt and frustration. I thought He would never come for me, that He would never take me for I am filthy and unbearable. But I have received grace and mercy, a favor I am undeserving.

All I am now before God is in awe of His wonderful Love and His amazing grace. He never fails to be there for me. I want to once again dedicate my life to Jesus. And saying His name over and over again is sweet and beautiful. Jesus is the only person that can make me feel loved more than what I can long for.  He makes me feel whole again, lacking nothing.

I know that the consequences are there, during the times I’ve looked somewhere else for this kind of love. That in those searching times, I have hurt people in the process. I have learned so much and in that much I have hurt other people so much too. I never meant it to happen. I can only ask forgiveness now but I have to face the results of my actions.

To those people whom I have hurt in the process, please forgive me. I’m sorry that you have to be part of my mess but thank you because being part of it showed me a greater struggle to overcome. I have learned so much. And in the process I have found the greatest love in my life and my love for Jesus grew even more stronger.

All in all I am alive more than before. I can’t find a better word to describe this ecstatic feeling that I have. My spirit is delightful and my soul rejoices as if dancing again and again in a cloud of His presence.

Jesus is my beginning and my end. (Revelation 1:8)