Friday Scattered Thoughts

Lord I am bothered. I’ve been having the same dreams lately. And it gives me the same hurting in my heart every time I wake up from those dreams. I am hunted by it. My dreams are always about my family. I always see them, back home. And I was there. And it was always raining. There are days that I dreamed of drowning in the flood back home. And there are times it was just raining hard. And I always saw my parents, my aunt, my nieces and nephews, my brothers. The whole family was there. I was there. And I was always just overwhelmed being in the midst of the situation.

Last night was the same dream. I was spending time with my niece and nephews at my aunt’s house.  My brothers were there too. I don’t see mom and dad. I only heard of aunt and uncle at the backyard. Then the rain pours. It was raining so hard but the sky is still brightly lit so I don’t feel worried. I went outside but I couldn’t feel the rain yet it was pouring. I don’t feel the wind. Nothing. I ran to our house. Mom and dad weren’t home. And our house was devastated. I went to the room and everything was stripped off. I was hurried trying to save all my books. It was kind of funny how I care more for the books than look where my parents were. Nothing was left in our house. All was covered in mud. No bed, no chairs, no furnitures left. I was trying to save some of my books but I came in too late. I heard my aunt from the backyard calling on me. She said they already tried to save anything they can grab. I was confused because I couldn’t feel the damaged it caused. Like it was a good weather. The sky is still bright outside. But still is pouring. And I was trying to remember where my parents are. Like they were there a few minutes ago. I was just sitting in the mud, helpless, trying to understand what was happening. Thinking whether everything around is real or not. I don’t understand what is happening. But I was hurting. I can feel the pain in my heart. But I couldn’t tell why.

When I woke up, I felt the same thing in my dream. I remember my mom and our conversation last Tuesday. I remember everything she told me. I tried to remember my dreams in the past weeks concerning the rain, the outpouring, our house, my family. The same scenarios, same dear people that I love, same house, but every dream is a different day. I don’t like what I’m seeing in my dreams. It scares me to even think what it could mean. I feel helpless. Like I have felt that there’s something already happening in my family and I couldn’t do anything for them. I want to go home and spend as much more time with them as I can. But doing that means leaving behind my dream. And God I feel like I am at the crossroad now. I need Your word today. I need to see what You are showing me. Open up my eyes and let me see.